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When They Don’t Love You, But Won’t Let You Go

August 26, 2025by HEIDI ALT0

Ever been in a situation where someone doesn’t really love you—but also won’t let you go?
That’s not love. That’s them keeping you just close enough so you won’t leave, but never close enough to make you happy.

You try to end things, they shrug: “Up to you.”
You stay quiet, they message: “Are you okay?”
You try to move on, they drop a memory,
and suddenly your heart softens.

It feels like love, but it isn’t.
It’s control.

WHY DO YOU STAY?

Because deep inside, there’s a fear of being abandoned.
You tell yourself:

  • If I try harder, they’ll finally see my worth.
  • If I’m patient, they’ll realize no one loves them like me.
  • If I walk away, all my love will be wasted.

But here’s the truth: You’re not fighting for them. You’re fighting to prove to yourself that you won’t be left again.

The problem? Someone who isn’t all in will never give you the ending you want.
They’ll keep you waiting, keep you hoping, keep you addicted, but they’ll never make you truly happy.

HOW THE CYCLE HOOKS YOU

Every cold silence makes you worry.
Every reply makes you light up.
Every disappearance steals your sleep.
Every return feels like a miracle.

And your brain learns to crave this rollercoaster. Not because it’s love, but because pain followed by reward is addictive.

HOW TO BREAK FREE

  • Stop explaining your pain. They already know and they just don’t care enough to change.
  • Decide without their permission. Don’t wait for them to say “yes, end it.” Choose for yourself.
  • Block if you have to. Not because you hate them, but because you can’t heal while waiting for their texts.
  • Keep receipts of your pain. Write down 10 times they hurt you. Read it when you’re tempted to go back.

THE REALITY CHECK

Love isn’t a test.
If someone truly loves you, they don’t let go when someone new comes along.
They don’t say “You’re everything to me” but disappear the moment you need them.

That’s not love.
That’s selfishness.

And you don’t need that kind of “almost love.” What you need is to protect yourself from craving it. Because until you heal your own pattern of loving the wrong people,
you’ll keep meeting the same story in different faces. Real freedom begins the day you say:
“I choose me.”

 

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